Lay me down and as i drift i'll think of things
how i wish they were
as the tears spill over and the pain is deep
youre the one who was to blame.
As you're there, having fun
i'm here sitting in pain.
You don't know it
You never will.
If you were to understand,
it would be helpful. But you can't
You're having fun now
and i'm here alone.
To be there for me all the time
is a lot to ask so i don't
I want you there as much as possible and when i need you most.
But you're not here.
in fact you're nowhere to be found.
I look forward to your texts the most.
and now they're starting to disappear.
Bring them back.
You're what i have and what i love. Please don't leave me.
6.27.2010
6.22.2010
I've come to the realization that i don't want to face. I'm jealous of Tyler. That's why i get so upset when we can't hang out because he's doing family stuff. He has the family i've always wanted. He's close with his parents. His parents are still together. He gets along with them. He does family things. Soccer is the one thing that they have in common. My family couldn't do anything without arguing. I've never been close to my family. And now that it's summer, it's hitting me hard. I miss going camping, going to the cabin, going to Knowbels, going to Camel Beach, all the stuff we used to do. It's the only thing that i looked forward to in the summer. I miss the old house. I miss my summer morning routine. I miss having Jesse just one room away when i need him. Tyler get to go on vacation, spends time with his family and enjoys it, he has what i want. No one knows how bad this hurts me. Mom doesn't understand how badly i want to go on vacation when i hint to her. When there's something that you love doing, and you can't do it, it hurts. The beach is my absolute favorite place. It doesn't matter to her that we're not going. She's been to Florida this year. The only thing she cares about in a day is talking to Him. She talks to him more than she talks to me. We get home from work, she's on the phone. We finish eating, she's on the phone. I get up in the morning, she's talking to him. When she's not talking to him, she's texting him. She thinks that it's just like me and Tyler. It's not! I'm 17. I'm allowed to have a boyfriend and be boy crazy. She's 41, not even divorced and has Him. It's not the same.
6.11.2010
6.12.2007
Tomorrow is three years. Has it really been three years without you? I remember the last time i saw you. June 9th, 2007. My birthday. You were doing so well. It was the best i had saw you in a while. You were so positive. You said you were going to beat it. We all thought you would. But then June 12th came. Mom went to the hospital at 12:00a.m. It was really hard on her. After you died everything went AWOL. That's when all the problems started.
I remember the summers most. Jesse and I would come over every Tuesday. We would go for walks, help you in the shop, do a craft, watch tv, nap. We did it all. No matter how much pain you were in you always had a smile on your face. I loved how you always had a Butterfinger Crunch for us. They don't make them anymore.
So much reminds me of you. Sunsets, lighthouses, flowers. Lilies. They're my favorite because of you. You always loved them. They're beautiful.
I miss you very much. I could have used you a lot this year. And this coming summer.
I wish you could see me now. I know you're watching me from Heaven, but i mean in person. I think you would be proud of me. I finally got on Honor Roll. A bunch of times. I know you were always proud of Jesse. I used to wish that i could do something to to make you proud of me. Looking back, i know that you were all along. I remember going with you and nana to see the Stallions and the Soverign Center. I was in third grade i think. Shady Maple always reminds me of you. I think of it as "your place." You were the first to take us there. I remember going to walmart with you and the cashier thought you were me and Jesse's dad. I remember making my light with you. And painting those statues. They're floating around here somewhere.
Mom says i'm a lot like you. I'll pick up a silly toy in a store and she says that it is something that you would buy.
I'm going into this summer with a positive attitude. But i still wonder. Every year something happens. Will the "curse" be broken? I want this to be a good summer, i feel like it will be. I want you to meet Tyler. He's a great guy. He treats me like his little princess. Very few people compare to you, you're caring, sensitive, funny, strong, and the list goes on. I just want one more week with you. I miss you so much. The divorce was/is really hard. If i didn't have Tyler i don't know what i would have done. I wish you were here then, for support. There were times that i went to school crying. Tyler just held me until i calmed down. I went to a basketball game crying. Dad was such a jerk to her. I hate him for it. The divorce put a lot of strain on me and Tyler's relationship. It was early for us. I didn't want to tell him but Dylan made me. Dylan and Tyler. Without them, i don't know where i would be. My support system. Is it bad that i couldn't tell my friends? I didn't want to tell Jordan. She has the "perfect" family. A great father/daughter relationship. Parents that love each other and don't fight. A caring mother. A funny brother. Shhe has the life i want. But i'll never tell her that i'm jealous. I'm not going to give her that satisfaction. That sounds bad. But i can't tell her anything. She doesn't understand. She never dealt with a death or a divorce, or anything. She has the "perfect" family. I wish that my dad was like you. Every guy should be like you. You're more of a man than a lot of guys are. They had to put Shadow down, but i know he is up there with you and toby, and sandy, and uncle scott. Give them all a hug for me. Did you have lunch with Jesus? He'd like you. Do Shadow and Toby get along? Toby was your little buddy. I remember when he died Jesse got the chicken pox. Mom said that was God's plan. He took Toby because he needed him and Jesse got the chicken pox to be with you.
Morgan, George R. - George R. Morgan, 71, Spring Township, died June 12, 2007, at noon in St. Joseph Medical Center, Bern Township.
I remember the summers most. Jesse and I would come over every Tuesday. We would go for walks, help you in the shop, do a craft, watch tv, nap. We did it all. No matter how much pain you were in you always had a smile on your face. I loved how you always had a Butterfinger Crunch for us. They don't make them anymore.
So much reminds me of you. Sunsets, lighthouses, flowers. Lilies. They're my favorite because of you. You always loved them. They're beautiful.
I miss you very much. I could have used you a lot this year. And this coming summer.
I wish you could see me now. I know you're watching me from Heaven, but i mean in person. I think you would be proud of me. I finally got on Honor Roll. A bunch of times. I know you were always proud of Jesse. I used to wish that i could do something to to make you proud of me. Looking back, i know that you were all along. I remember going with you and nana to see the Stallions and the Soverign Center. I was in third grade i think. Shady Maple always reminds me of you. I think of it as "your place." You were the first to take us there. I remember going to walmart with you and the cashier thought you were me and Jesse's dad. I remember making my light with you. And painting those statues. They're floating around here somewhere.
Mom says i'm a lot like you. I'll pick up a silly toy in a store and she says that it is something that you would buy.
I'm going into this summer with a positive attitude. But i still wonder. Every year something happens. Will the "curse" be broken? I want this to be a good summer, i feel like it will be. I want you to meet Tyler. He's a great guy. He treats me like his little princess. Very few people compare to you, you're caring, sensitive, funny, strong, and the list goes on. I just want one more week with you. I miss you so much. The divorce was/is really hard. If i didn't have Tyler i don't know what i would have done. I wish you were here then, for support. There were times that i went to school crying. Tyler just held me until i calmed down. I went to a basketball game crying. Dad was such a jerk to her. I hate him for it. The divorce put a lot of strain on me and Tyler's relationship. It was early for us. I didn't want to tell him but Dylan made me. Dylan and Tyler. Without them, i don't know where i would be. My support system. Is it bad that i couldn't tell my friends? I didn't want to tell Jordan. She has the "perfect" family. A great father/daughter relationship. Parents that love each other and don't fight. A caring mother. A funny brother. Shhe has the life i want. But i'll never tell her that i'm jealous. I'm not going to give her that satisfaction. That sounds bad. But i can't tell her anything. She doesn't understand. She never dealt with a death or a divorce, or anything. She has the "perfect" family. I wish that my dad was like you. Every guy should be like you. You're more of a man than a lot of guys are. They had to put Shadow down, but i know he is up there with you and toby, and sandy, and uncle scott. Give them all a hug for me. Did you have lunch with Jesus? He'd like you. Do Shadow and Toby get along? Toby was your little buddy. I remember when he died Jesse got the chicken pox. Mom said that was God's plan. He took Toby because he needed him and Jesse got the chicken pox to be with you.
Morgan, George R. - George R. Morgan, 71, Spring Township, died June 12, 2007, at noon in St. Joseph Medical Center, Bern Township.
3.15.2010
3.12.2010
I don't mean to sound like a bitch but...
*NOTE* This being my second post, first being a mobile testing, i'm not starting this on a happy note. I really am a happy person. It just so happens that these past couple days have been stressful and people have irritated me.
Feshmen are at the bottom on the totem pole. They don't have a right to go around acting like they own the school and telling upperclassmen that they are 'obnoxious' or 'rude'. If we tell an entire room to shut up because the teacher is trying to talk, take a hint. We're not aiming it a one specific group. We're talking to the whole class. It just so happens that the freshmen and sophomores are the ones that talk too much and too loud, especially when they have the least amount of experience. And it's not even all the sophomores, most of them know how to respect their elders (even if 'elders' is only a year or two). They need the most help with their singing, we can at least hit the notes and not sound like a dying animal. Don't sit there and tell the juniors and seniors that we're the ones talking too loud or that we're obnoxious and that we are the ones that need to be quiet.
If we're nice enough to not make you move when you sit at our table, don't act like you're the shit. You're just a piece of shit. Don't tell me that i'm rude because i'm cleaning up sauce that the children who sit there before us decided to throw at each other and i say that they're 'pigs'. You didn't sit there and watch them do it nor do you know who they are. Next time, you WILL NOT sit there. I'm done with some of these immature freshmen. If half the grade can act like normal people, you can too.
Feshmen are at the bottom on the totem pole. They don't have a right to go around acting like they own the school and telling upperclassmen that they are 'obnoxious' or 'rude'. If we tell an entire room to shut up because the teacher is trying to talk, take a hint. We're not aiming it a one specific group. We're talking to the whole class. It just so happens that the freshmen and sophomores are the ones that talk too much and too loud, especially when they have the least amount of experience. And it's not even all the sophomores, most of them know how to respect their elders (even if 'elders' is only a year or two). They need the most help with their singing, we can at least hit the notes and not sound like a dying animal. Don't sit there and tell the juniors and seniors that we're the ones talking too loud or that we're obnoxious and that we are the ones that need to be quiet.
If we're nice enough to not make you move when you sit at our table, don't act like you're the shit. You're just a piece of shit. Don't tell me that i'm rude because i'm cleaning up sauce that the children who sit there before us decided to throw at each other and i say that they're 'pigs'. You didn't sit there and watch them do it nor do you know who they are. Next time, you WILL NOT sit there. I'm done with some of these immature freshmen. If half the grade can act like normal people, you can too.
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